Ever since reading Spinner's treatise on "The Need To Abolish Social Security", I've got to admit that I've been a bit nervous. I look forward to my check each month and would be hard pressed to do without it. Today, my anxiety rose another notch. While thumbing through Stephen Colbert's "I Am America, So Can You" I came across that commentator's essay on the same topic. I had taken Spinner's preoccupation with the subject as just idle fancy that maybe arose from inhaling noxious fumes while riding drag on one of those Texas cattle drives. Now, I see a famed TV personality preaching the same sermon. He even included a copy of a letter he wrote his Grandpa when he was 7, in response to the gift of a baseball glove purchased with "Unearned funds". I think that Colbert did at least a year of his college time at Hampden Sydney, so BillyWayne will probably vote with him and Spinner on the abolishment bill. This thing'll probably pass.
I'll turn 70 on the 5th of July. Although retired, I am still working an average of three days a week. I enjoy seeing the people, but seven hours in a courtroom and another hour signing huge piles of paperwork leaves me tired these days. The wearyness makes me cranky and my wife has threatened to take 39 years worth of birthday and anniversary presents and head out to one of those canasta casinos they call retirement homes if my disposition doesn't improve. Says she plans to take all 39 pairs of bedroom slippers and Bath Powder sets and start a specialty shop in the Resthome dayroom. She plans to use the proceeds to finance her new career as a professional Bingo Gamester.
That leaves me really worried, because she's the only person in this house who knows how to set the clock radio and without Blake Shelton blaring in my ear, I'd never wake up in time to get to court. I do have a second occupation to fall back on. I do weddings. Been doing them for almost 40 years. I've "performed" in public parks,barns, bistros(in one, the bride and the bridesmaids wore tee shirts. The brides shirt said "I have a perky trousseau!"
Also did my thing in a former Virginia Governor's home and the manor house of a pre Civil War Virginia Plantation where Jeb Stuart once mooned over a pretty cousin he admired. I also married the lady who was the Mom in "Free Willie" to another actor who played one of the regulars on "Murphy Brown". In that one we did the ceremony by a swimming pool and the 5 year old who was suposed to bring the rings forward on a pillow became bored and tossed pillow and rings into the pool. The actress who was the bride's attendant(and who was very well equiped to play the female lead in romantic movies) then said "I'm the bride's attendant, I'll get them" and dove into the pool. After swimming around for several minutes, she finally emerged with hands clutching the rings raised above her head in triumph like Botacelli's Venus. Unfortunately, (or not, depending upon your perspective) the water and the raised arms were too much for the strapless gown and the top part went plop and ended up around her waist. There was a moment of stunned silence...then, and I swear to you this is true, the groom stammered "Can I marry her instead?"
Looking back on all of this has raised my spirits. It occurs to me that I've probably married more women than Joseph Smith. Maybe if I write Mitt and tell him that, he'll think that I'm a Mormon and help me get a job on his pal Stephen Colbert's TV show. It ought to pay as least as much as I was getting from social Security.
I'll turn 70 on the 5th of July. Although retired, I am still working an average of three days a week. I enjoy seeing the people, but seven hours in a courtroom and another hour signing huge piles of paperwork leaves me tired these days. The wearyness makes me cranky and my wife has threatened to take 39 years worth of birthday and anniversary presents and head out to one of those canasta casinos they call retirement homes if my disposition doesn't improve. Says she plans to take all 39 pairs of bedroom slippers and Bath Powder sets and start a specialty shop in the Resthome dayroom. She plans to use the proceeds to finance her new career as a professional Bingo Gamester.
That leaves me really worried, because she's the only person in this house who knows how to set the clock radio and without Blake Shelton blaring in my ear, I'd never wake up in time to get to court. I do have a second occupation to fall back on. I do weddings. Been doing them for almost 40 years. I've "performed" in public parks,barns, bistros(in one, the bride and the bridesmaids wore tee shirts. The brides shirt said "I have a perky trousseau!"
Also did my thing in a former Virginia Governor's home and the manor house of a pre Civil War Virginia Plantation where Jeb Stuart once mooned over a pretty cousin he admired. I also married the lady who was the Mom in "Free Willie" to another actor who played one of the regulars on "Murphy Brown". In that one we did the ceremony by a swimming pool and the 5 year old who was suposed to bring the rings forward on a pillow became bored and tossed pillow and rings into the pool. The actress who was the bride's attendant(and who was very well equiped to play the female lead in romantic movies) then said "I'm the bride's attendant, I'll get them" and dove into the pool. After swimming around for several minutes, she finally emerged with hands clutching the rings raised above her head in triumph like Botacelli's Venus. Unfortunately, (or not, depending upon your perspective) the water and the raised arms were too much for the strapless gown and the top part went plop and ended up around her waist. There was a moment of stunned silence...then, and I swear to you this is true, the groom stammered "Can I marry her instead?"
Looking back on all of this has raised my spirits. It occurs to me that I've probably married more women than Joseph Smith. Maybe if I write Mitt and tell him that, he'll think that I'm a Mormon and help me get a job on his pal Stephen Colbert's TV show. It ought to pay as least as much as I was getting from social Security.
